Book the tao of dating
I get many letters like this from readers (both male and female): "I met this guy, and he took me to dinner, and it was really romantic, but he did/didn't try to kiss me, then he called/didn't call back, then he asked/didn't ask me out again, and what does it all mean is he interested what should I do help help help." Now, many of you think I have magical powers. For example, I can make whole plates of pasta vanish in seconds and order beer in 12 languages.
However, reading the minds of your dates whom I have never seen nor met is not one of those powers. Additionally, trying to parse each individual situation for an ultimate answer doesn't work so well, because there are millions of situations and often no ultimate answer.
However, just a few reliable book for women and men, and here they are: 1. Anaїs Nin once said, "We do not see the world as it is; we see the world as we are." Thus you have the choice to see the world with a lens of wealth-consciousness or poverty-consciousness.
Do you see scarcity, lack and limitation around you, or wealth, possibility and abundance?
The mindset you choose bears directly upon the success of your love life (and your success in general). "all the good ones are taken" - begets neediness, and neediness is not attractive.
Big-heartedness and self-sufficiency, on the other hand, work much better. 'Enlightened' means that you make decisions by considering the long-term consequences of your actions. "I know he's a bad boy, but it'll be so much welfare takes priority, just like in the pre-flight announcement where they say put on your own oxygen mask first, then help others in the case of an emergency. We see this in nature: water runs from high to low; electricity flows between cathode and anode; magnetic force goes between north and south poles. Without polarity, relationships fall flat, whether in heterosexual or same-sex couples: has to wear the pants.
Even the Bible has something to say about that: "For he that hath, to him shall be given: and he that hath not, from him shall be taken away even that which he hath." Seems kind of mean, but it's just the way of the world: wealth begets wealth. Because even if only one thousandth of one percent of the 6.5 billion people in this world are cool enough to be eligible for your companionship, that's, oh, 65,000 folks. To be able to take care of anyone else, you need to take care of you first. As a man, if you take on too much yin, you risk turning into an indecisive wimp, which is not necessarily appealing to women.
Strength is great, but remember that femininity is what draws in the masculine. And when she finally found a guy who smarter than her, she found herself competing with him and putting him down out of insecurity, thereby driving him away. So much pain in dating is self-inflicted and has to do with upholding our own importance or appeasing the ego.
Therefore I will state here without proof that there is no greater waste of your energy than upholding your own importance. The Buddhists have this nifty concept called , or no-self.
It basically means that nothing in the universe has a fixed identity - especially you.
If you're breathing and have a heartbeat and just read this phrase, billions of things changed in your mind and body ago.
So quit trying to defend something that essentially isn't there.
Whether or not you fully buy into this concept, it's a handy notion: with no ego to be rejected, insulted or hurt, you're much more likely to have an open heart and take risks in love.